Tuesday, April 14, 2009

About me, Chapter 2...

I love my son. He is such a blessing to Justin and me. I couldn't imagine what our life would be like if he wasn't around. I love watching Justin with him. He has far passed any expectations that I had for him as a father. The way he constantly adores Ian is so cute.

It wasn't long ago that I wasn't married. I lived with my step-grandmother and went to church only occasionally. I think I valued sleep more than fellowship with other christians at the time. Anyways, I had some medical issues and for that reason my doctor put me on birth control pills. At the time it only made things worse causing me to bleed everyday, rather than just the normal 7 days out of the month. This kind of freaked me out. I remember having a panic attack one night. I called my mom barely able to talk. I was crying and in between breaths would talk about how I was so scared I wouldn't be able to have children. My poor step-grandmother wasn't sure what to do. I think I remember handing the phone to her and my mom asked her to get me a glass of water. I eventually calmed down from that attack, but satan new it was a fear and played on it all the time.

Once I was married I still continued to have that fear. I think I took a pregnancy test each month (or two or three tests), even though we were on birth control pills! I was so scared that I would get pregnant but something would happen to the baby because I was taking those pills. Darn that satan. We spent so much money on tests. I still struggle with wondering if I am pregnant. The ladies I used to work with make a joke any time I talk about taking a test, they say "what brand do you buy, I want to buy stock in it".

I am going to try harder now to not give in to the fear that satan so loves to play on. I want to trust that God knows what is best and if that means I get pregnant before Justin and I plan then that is ok.

So there you go. A little bit about me that you may not have known. If you have any questions for me then ask away and I will be happy to answer them.

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