Thursday, July 2, 2015

To bikini or not to bikini, that is the question...

So yesterday I posted a question on Facebook in regards to bikinis. A lot of women responded with some really great points. I was worried people would just completely dis me and de-friend me, but everyone that commented kept it classy and I respect them all the more! So I am going to post below both the question and my response. Feel free to comment and remember to keep it classy. I am not in a war with you, I am simply starting a discussion! 

Here was what I put on Facebook: 

Let me ask you ladies a question: Would you take your children to a bra and panty fashion show?
If your answer is no, why then do you feel it appropriate to wear a bikini, which covers just as much, sometimes less than bra and panties?
I'm sure I'm going to get an ear full or get deleted from your friend list, but it's something that has been on my mind lately.

After reading so many good points from so many ladies, here is my response to why I wish most swim suits covered more skin:

1. Here is a little back story on me...Growing up, my dad was a pastor. He cheated on my mom at least twice that he admitted to. I wouldn't be surprised if it was more. Needless to say, I have trust issues. So one time when a lady at my husband's work asked him for a ride home, I was hacked! I never liked her much after that. Which was stupid, because these are my issues and not hers. My husband made me aware that he was taking her home, so it's not like he hid it from me. But I think you can see from my past why I would have issues. 

I also struggle with being afraid that I will be the one to cheat. There was this time that my husband and I had only been married for about two years or so and I had gone to church to work at the bookstore. Justin had stayed home with our son. I think I was mad at Justin for some reason, probably a stupid reason to be honest with you! So I'm sitting at the book store at church and one of our single guy friends came up and said "Hey Jessica, you look nice tonight". Now to him and to anyone else, this wasn't a big deal. However, to me it was! I was already feeling down because of whatever reason I was mad at Justin for and now this very nice man came up to me and told me I looked nice! I tell you what, by the time I got home my thoughts had taken me from being mad at Justin, feeling nice, thinking about the single guy friend, feeling horrible, and then pretty much feeling like I had just cheated on Justin! When I got home it took me a little while, but I finally told Justin about what was going on. Of course, he is so wonderful that he just sat there and comforted me and told me that it was going to be okay. 

Now, why do I tell you all this and what does it have to do with women wearing bikinis? First of all I don't want Justin to be tempted to look at another woman and I don't want to be tempting another man to look at me! Now, I can only control myself and what I wear and what I think about. So when I swim, I personally wear athletic shorts, because that is what I'm comfortable in, and a tank top swim top (a tankini). I do my best to limit the amount of cleavage I show. However, being larger in that area makes it hard to find things that limit it.  Let's face it, I'm not going to swim in a turtleneck! Now, on the end of Justin not being tempted, I too can do what I can to keep him from being tempted. What do I mean by that? Well I mean that I can make sure and please him in the bedroom so that if a beautiful woman comes by, his thoughts go to me instead of her! 

2. Comfort is an issue. Some ladies brought up that for them they are comfortable with their body and they aren't wearing the bikini to get others attention, they are comfortable in their own skin. I think this is great! However, men are very visual creatures! Women are very emotional creatures. Why do you think so many men struggle with pornography? I personally believe that my body is for my husband only. To be honest with you, I wouldn't feel comfortable with anyone else seeing my body anyway (well except doctors and even then I feel weird). I firmly believe that there are tankinis and even some bikinis that are okay to wear. If you chose to wear them, wear them tastefully if you are going to be around other men. Be confident in your skin, but be respectful of others at the same time!

Some ladies brought up the fact that a bikini just fits them better than anything else. I had never thought about this being an issue. But like I mentioned above I have issues with my top part, so I can for sure understand this. Again, I think it all goes back to wearing one that isn't a itty bitty barely covers your privates kind of thing. 

3. The kid issue! This is a HUGE issue for me. I have little boys, so I thankfully don't have to worry about buying little girl swim suits. But what I get frustrated about is when I see little girls in super skimpy bikinis. There are creepy people out there (both men and women) who for some reason or another like to prey on little kids. I HATE that we have to watch out for things like this. But the truth of the matter is we do. Cover your young girls up. Yes, teach them to love their body, but don't teach them to just show it off. 

I am for reals so thankful to the person who invented the tankini. Because seriously there is nothing worse than to have to go to the bathroom when you have a wet one piece on or to have to help your daughter (so I've heard) get her one piece off to use the bathroom!

WOW! I'm not going to lie, some of the ladies response to my question changed my thinking a little bit. One of my friends made a good point, that is that some one pieces are more revealing than some bikinis are! This is so true. I hadn't even considered that when I put this question up. Regardless of what we all think, I still respect them and I actually respect them even more for being willing to discuss this issue in a calm manner. 

Someone brought up the fact that we probably won't be having a swim party play date (a lot of the ladies commenting are part of a local mom's group). I didn't mean to make it to where we can't do a swim party play dates. Listen, here is the deal: I want to teach my boys to look at women with respect. When they get to the point that their hormones start kicking in, I want them to be able to talk to me and if it becomes an issue for them and it causes sexual sin, then yes, I may ask you to put a shirt on if you swim at my house in a revealing swim suit. But as long as things are good and they are respecting you and you respect us by not being in a skimpy one then we are good.  The same goes for my husband. If it becomes a problem, then we will simply ask you to cover up with a shirt or tank top. If you aren't willing to do that, then that is fine, but that is when we will no longer invite you over to swim. 

Special note to the ladies who commented on my FB page: Thanks ladies for the great conversation! I know I keep saying this, but I am just so thrilled with how you all responded! You are all beautiful women who I enjoy hanging out with. Just because we feel differently on some things doesn't mean we can't hang out and be friends!