Listening to God...

So I am lying in bed at about 5:30 this morning eating chocolate donettes and drinking diet Dr. Pepper and my mind starts to sing a Veggie Tales song. (what this isn't what you were doing at 5:30 this morning? I thought this was a normal thing for everyone. Hmm, I guess it could be because I am pregnant and wake up hungry and with headaches, but no that couldn't be it. Maybe you are the weird one for not doing this, did you ever think about that?)

Yes, I said Veggie Tales song. You see the only bad thing about Veggie Tales videos is that they aren't long enough, so we end up watching the same one over and over and over through out the day. I know, I could get up off the couch every 30 minutes and change it to a new one, but really lets just get realistic. Ok, so the song I started to think of this morning was "keep walking, cause you won't knock down our wall" It is from the story about Joshua and the wall of Jericho.

It came to me this morning, what if Joshua would have listened to the taunters? The people who were probably making fun of him for thinking that walking around the wall all those times would cause it to fall. How many lives would have changed if he started to walk and then decide that he heard God wrong and turn around and head back to camp?

Have you ever done that? Felt like God was telling you to do something, but then when you got close to doing it you got scared and decided that it wasn't what God wanted? Or some how justify not doing it? I can tell you that I have done this on several different occasions. I also walk away and ask God to forgive me, like even though I decided it wasn't what I was supposed to do, I want to cover my butt in case it was what I was supposed to do.

Is there something that God is calling you to do, but you keep putting it off? If so, lets stop putting it off and get it done! I say "lets" because there is something God has been telling me to do and I haven't listened to him, so I am right there with you.

Ok, so since this has been a long post I will reward you with a picture of the cutest chocolate covered boy in the world!

hard day...

I am having a hard day today. I have been at the point for a long time in this pregnancy where I am not comfortable. I feel like it has gotten worse over the last few days.

Now I know I am blessed to be able to be pregnant and I know that I don't want the baby to come yet.

But...

I do want to not be uncomfortable, I want to stop waking up with headaches, I want to not be upset when I don't get a nap in, I want to hold my sweet boy in my arms, go on walks even if it is hot, I want to start loosing weight again, I want to eat something and not get heartburn. I want to see my friend preform in a musical for once. I want to feel like a human being again. I am sick of crying, sick of being that wife who feels horrible because she can't be the wife she wants to be.

I know that having Owen won't change all of these situations. I am emotional by nature and I know that I will probably still cry all the time. I know that I will probably not get much sleep for a while after he is born. I know my friends musical will be over by the time I can go outside again. I know that I have heartburn even when I am not pregnant.

But.....

I just needed to vent a little about how I feel, that is all.

How it all began...

First off I want to thank Brinlee's Mom for the super encouraging comment. I am still humbled by the fact that anyone other than my husband reads this blog! You all are right, this is a ministry, I am not with out ways to minister to others! Thank you so much for reminding me of that.

I thought I would talk a little about how I got started with this whole blogging thing. It all started when my friend Rebecca began a blog talking about her family's process of adoption. I found it fascinating that we could keep up with her story and that she was able to share such personal information with us. Because you see I like to share personal information with others, I just happen to be the emotional type that tends to cry. Also, I am not good with getting my words out. It takes me several takes before I publish a blog post!

At the time I was doing Weight Watchers. My weight loss journey was really beginning to take off. For a while I had just gotten by with the minimum amount (example: counting my points). I would loose weight here and there, but then would also gain here and there. Until one day I went to my current favorite doctor. She was the first doctor to actually tell me that if I didn't loose weight I would be pre diabetic and then diabetic before no time. I know it may sound silly that I had never thought of this before, but I hadn't. I had pretty much always been "healthy" in the sense that my cholesterol and things had been at good levels. Until this point. It turns out my cholesterol and my insulin levels were high. Not good news. So, with my husbands encouragement, I got to work!

I realized really quick that going to the meetings with Weight Watchers was essential. It was then that I figured out that sharing the ins and outs of my days and my feelings was very important. One night I went into the living room and asked my wonderful, computer genius husband to help me get started on a blog. I should mention that he has a blog too, just doesn't write on it as much as some people. ;)

So there you go. That is the beginning of my blogging experience. I can't believe that I have been doing this since August of 2007. You can read my very first ever blog post here.

Thanks for all of you that read this and to all that leave comments. I can't tell you how much it means to me that you are out there! If you have anything that I can pray for you about please let me know.

feeing of loss...

Today is Friday. I am so gad it is Friday! This week was destine to feel long. On Monday when my husband left for work, I almost told him not to worry because it was Friday. I am glad I didn't say that as I wouldn't want to have got his hopes up, even for a second, plus I would have sounded silly.

While I am happy to see the weekend here and excited to be able to spend time with my husband, I also feel a sense of loss today. You see I felt like I had found a way to minister to others every Friday morning when my friend Misti and I went to garage sales. I felt so glad to be able to be used by God, to be able to make a persons day by asking them if we could pray for them. I also felt like it brought me closer to God. I was feeling so open and excited to do whatever it was that God would lead me to do. Now, I just feel lost. I know that I need to stay out of the heat in order to help the baby inside of me stay inside of me.

Now I wonder, how am I to be used by God? I felt so strongly that He led me to the garage sales each week for a reason. But where will he lead me when I can't even go? This line made it sound like I can't go outside the house, which I can, I just can't be in the heat, and really in Oklahoma there isn't much you can do with out being in the heat.

I am sorry to be such a downer today. I just really miss my normal Friday morning ministry time.

Are you a stay at home mom? Do you have any ideas on how a pregnant mom can be used to help and minister to others?

All About Cha...

Tonight was girls night for our FLOCK at church (aka Sunday School). We went to this new place in town called All About Cha. I was a little worried at first that I wouldn't find something to get. But after looking at the menu (some one brought one to FLOCK) I decided it would be safe to go. I mean really if anything I could just sit and visit with the ladies and not get anything. When you are pregnant you can get away with things like that. :)

Well I was pleasantly surprised to find that they had some yummy deserts! I'm talking something you would see on a food network special. So after finally making my choice of which yummy desert to get (don't worry I didn't get the chocolate desert with whiskey inside, I will save that for after Owen is born) I had to decide on which drink to get. Oh the choices! You can see what I am talking about here.

It was a bit overwhelming but once I finally decided on the drink I went up and ordered. I was going to get a brownie ball (I am sure there name for it is way more sophisticated, but this way you get the idea of what it was) and a iced caramel macchiato. When I ordered I changed my mind and got a cheese cake ball (again not there name for it I am sure) and stuck with my drink order.

OH WOW! Talk about chocolate and caffeine overload! It was like the day of 9 Dr. Peppers all over again. Ok, not that bad. But for a few minutes I was talking a little faster than normal. I slowed down on how fast I was eating and drinking and I think that helped out. I am realizing that most of you don't know the story of my drinking 9 Dr. Peppers, but lets just say I am sure my office mate was ready to kill me by the end of the day! I am just hoping to be able to go to sleep tonight.

Here are some pictures of our fun adventure! I would highly recommend going if you are in the Edmond area. Perhaps not a place that I would go every week, but every now and then for a girls night is totally worth it!

catching up...

I feel like it has been forever since I posted anything, but I guess it was only a few days ago. Maybe it seems like a long time because I copy and pasted most of the last post! ;)

A lot has happened in the last few days and I will attempt to fill you in on it.

Last Monday (Memorial Day) I had a headache that wouldn't go away, we called the Labor and Delivery floor of the hospital I was planning on delivering at and they gave me some suggestions and then said if I still had it after an hour to go ahead and come in for monitoring. I should mention that the headache that doesn't go away is a sign of preeclampsia. So after a while it was still there and I was getting dizzy so Justin said we are going to the hospital. So we headed up there and were put on the monitors for a few hours. My blood pressure readings were high and kept going up, which was frustrating. I was having contractions (although I only felt one, they said I had 7 in an hour). They gave me some medicine to stop the contractions and some medicine for the headache and sent me home with instructions to follow up with my doctor.

This brings me to Tuesday! I still had the headache, which was frustrating in and of it self, but to top it off I didn't feel like I could drive myself to the doctor, so Justin had to take off work to drive me. Once there the doctor expressed her concern about the nurses at the hospital we had chosen and asked if we would be interested in changing where we deliver. So we said yes. She then had us go to the new hospital to be monitored for a while to make sure things were going better than the night before and to hopefully help with the headache.

It turns out I was dehydrated. So they put me on an IV to get me hydrated and they gave me medicine for the headache (different from the stuff I got the night before). This seemed to work and after a few hours we headed home.

All was good until Saturday afternoon. I guess I should mention that Saturday morning was busy for me. I had a baby shower to attend for a friend and then a birthday party for our friends daughter. At the shower I thought I might have felt a couple of contractions, but didn't think too much about it. I headed home to get Justin and Ian and we headed to the park. I made sure to bring a lot of water with me and drank it too. It was hot, but we were in the shade of a gazebo for most of the time.

This brings me to later that afternoon. About 3 o'clock I started having contractions. I decided to write them down so that I could track them in case they continued. After about 30 minutes of these extremely painful contractions I took some Tylenol. It took about 30 minutes before that set in and I was able to rest for a while. Since the contractions had stopped we decided not to call the doctor. However, about 8pm they started back and after having 5 we called the doctor. Thankfully my doctor was the one who called me back, and she said she wanted me to go be monitored at the hospital.

Ok, to make a long story even longer...Ian was in bed so we got him up and my parents met us at the hospital to take him to their house, since we weren't sure how long we would be there. We ended up being there for about 3 1/2 hours. They again gave me medicine to stop the contractions (even though they weren't picking any up on their monitor, I guess the belt has to be in the perfect spot). They also did an exam to make sure there were not any other signs of pre-term labor. That turned out good, nothing else showed that I was going into labor. So they sent me home and said that if I had more than 4 contractions in an hour that I needed to come up (since I am only 32 weeks).

Justin and I made the choice to keep me out of the heat as much as possible. Which sadly means no more garage sales on Fridays and no more park visits (unless Justin takes Ian, which he said he will). I hate that I will miss that stuff, but I really don't want to go through that pain again. It was horrible!

I am for sure ready for this pregnancy to be over. I want Owen to be healthy though, so we will just pray that things go fast. After all there is just about 6 1/2 weeks left! Woo Hoo!

How to be miserable in 20 steps...

I got this off of a friends facebook note and thought it was worth sharing. Not sure how you will take it, but I was reminded about suffering well.

1. Use "I" as often as possible.
2. Always be sensitive to slights.
3. Be jealous and envious.
4. Think only about yourself.
5. Talk only about yourself.
6. Trust no one.
7. Never forget criticism.
8. Always expect to be appreciated.
9. Be suspicious
10. Listen greedily to what others say about you.
11. Always look for faults in others.
12. Shirk your duties if you can.
13. Do as little as possible for others.
14. Never forget a service you may have rendered.
15. Sulk if people are not grateful for your favors.
16. Insist on consideration and respect.
17. Demand agreement with your own views on everything.
18. Always look for a good time.
19. Love yourself first.
20. Be selfish at all times.

I also got this from someone's facebook. It is a poem or quote from Mother Teresa and thought it was also worth sharing.

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
... If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

"Do It Anyway"-this version is credited to Mother Teresa