Monday, August 13, 2012

Emotional breakdown...

Miscarriage sucks. I'm really having a hard time lately dealing with it. I am mad. Surprisingly not at God, but just at the situation. I don't understand at all why this had to happen. I have heard all the things like "God has a plan" or "You will see her/him in heaven someday". I agree with those things, but seriously it just isn't helping me. 

I feel guilty for feeling so upset about this because I do have two sweet boys that I get to love on. I feel like I shouldn't be so angry about it. The truth is I am. Sometimes I just want to punch a hole in the wall I am so mad. 

Saturday night I had a huge breakdown. My poor husband. He is so sweet and patient with me. I wasn't sure what was bothering me at first, but after a little time to myself I figured it out. He listened to me cry and talked to me and helped calm me down. He has a very soothing voice. 

I just wish I knew if I would ever get over this, if I will ever stop having the feeling of missing this baby I never knew. 

I will say it again, miscarriage sucks.

3 comments:

katie ridings said...

I'm so sorry, there is a plan for you!! & your going to look back one day & realize why everything happened the way it did.

Rai and Shannon said...

I know how you feel! I had over 2 years between my miscarriage and my pregnancy with Abbi. And in that 2 years, not many days went by that I didn't think about the baby I had lost. And I was angry, too!! I was angry because I WANTED this baby, LOVED this baby, and it was taken away...and I didn't understand why. I still don't understand why, but looking back I can see how it all fit into the plan of our lives. But it is hard...give yourself time to grieve...and I will pray for your heart to heal...

Matt and Lacye said...

Jessica, I am almost 21 weeks pregnant and I am still crying over the baby I lost 23 weeks ago.
I can't enjoy this pregnancy at all.

I know how bad it sucks. I keep telling Matt how bad it really "effed" up my brain (sorry for language). But I can't explain it in any other words.

I think I told you that day at Chick Fil A, only the people who have experienced the gut-wrenching pain understand what you are going through. And understand that our husbands our mourning too. Matt is slowly telling me about his anger with God. Matt got mad, I pretty much just had a breakdown.

Love you Jessica. It hurts. Gosh, it hurts. I'm crying now just typing this. I don't think I'll ever get over that sweet angel being taken from me.