31 - Day Blog Challenge...

I have decided to participate in a 31-day blog challenge! I am hoping that everyday I will get a blog post out, each with a different topic. So be on the look out! I should get my first one out today or tomorrow! I got the idea from this blog here. It's been a few years since they did theirs, but I think I can still join in. So what do you say? Join me on this journey?

Update on 40 before 40 list...

 Tomorrow I turn fourrrrr. Fourrrr. I just can't say it. Let's just say it is the number after 39. Shiver! 

So I wanted to update y'all on my 40 before 40 list! I didn't finish everything on there, but I'm pretty proud of myself for all that I did accomplish. Let's take a look at where I stand…

1. Lose weight

2. For my eyes only but it got done

3. Go on a trip with just Justin

4. Go on a trip somewhere fun with just Justin and the kids

5. Get paid to take someone’s pictures

6. Take some sort of class, like cake decorating, photography, or crafting class

7. Declutter the entire main house

8. Wear a dress or shirt that shows some cleavage and wear it with confidence (aka don’t be insecure)

9. Go camping 

10. Do a cartwheel 

11. Go snorkeling 

12. Take a self defense class

13. Take a girls trip with my closest girlfriends

14. Get my passport

15. Get a tattoo

16. Go to an OSU football game

17. Be in more pictures with Justin and the kids

18. Write an article and submit it to a newspaper or magazine 

19. Have purple highlights in my hair

20. Throw a birthday party for an underprivileged kid

21. Sponsor a child through compassion international

22. Go to a formal event with Justin

23. Have a FRIENDS marathon weekend where I (and anyone else who wants to join me) watch all 10 seasons of FRIENDS in order. This may be more of a 2 weekend event

24. Take the family to Disney World or Lego Land CA

25. For my eyes only, but didn’t get done

26. Audition for a musical or play

27. Make a family yearbook at least once

28. Pay for a stranger's meal

29. Buy a bike and go on rides with my kids/family

30. Host more get togethers

31. Be able to wear a pair of boots that come to my knee

32. See Michael Buble in concert

33. Do a date night for Justin that he would enjoy.

34. Wear makeup everyday for a month

35. Buy fancy but comfy pajamas

36. Serve others more than myself

37. Do a Bible study and actually complete it

38. Find a way to contribute to our families finances without compromising my role as a mom and wife

39. Start taking the wall paper down in the guest house!

40. Climb an indoor rock climbing wall 

It looks like I have 13 list items that will be going onto my future bucket list! I’d say that is pretty darn good! I started this list when I was 35! I am realizing that there are some of these that I could have done, but didn’t. Like get my passport. That I should have done when I first started. 

So on a different note, turning the big 4-0 has me freaking out. I don’t know why. Age has never had me freak out before. Maybe it is this list and the fact that I didn’t finish it. Who knows. Did turning a certain age ever freak you out? What is weird is that it wasn’t until today that it had me going crazy!

Well, here is to turning 40! There I said it. I’m turning 40. Aghhhhh! Here is a picture of me on my last day of being in my 30’s. Cause you know tomorrow I might look totally older. Hahaha!

Road trip must haves...

We recently went on a road trip and it went surprisingly smooth. It took us 2 days to get to our destination and while we were driving I thought I should write out what it is that is making this so successful! 

So with out further ado, here are my 4 road trip must haves: 

1. Snack tubs. We have been using these for the for the past 5 years. We fill them up with snacks, each kid gets to pick two things and the adults of course can pick however many they want.  I'll be honest, it's mostly junk food for us, but you can do healthy stuff too!  Before our trip I divide the snacks up between each tub. My husband and I share a tub and then we have an extras tub. The kids don't have to ask us if they can have a snack. They just have to make sure it lasts them the two days our road trip lasts.

2. Neck pillows or travel pillows. This is more for the adult in the passenger seat, but we also have them for the kids. It is better than taking regular pillows, which are bigger and take up more space. Here is a link to one similar to ours. 

3. DVD player. This is a big one for families with kids who can't read or don't like to read. It helps divide those long road trips up and distracts the kids. Just don't forget the DVDs! 

4. Tablets with books downloaded. This is a big one for families who have kids who love to read! Which my kids do. They pack both physical books and books on their tablets. Again, it is something to keep them distracted. I personally can't read while in the car as it makes me car sick, but hey if you're able to them more power to ya!

These are the four most important things I think will help your road trip go a little smoother. Do you have any tips to help a road trip go well?

My first tattoo...

Well let's see the day started with a migraine and I was up at 2 in the morning and couldn't get back to sleep. Not a fun way to start the day. Especially since I was nervous as all get out! 

The time came though that I was to leave to make the drive to Tulsa. The long...hour...drive. Ugh. On the way there I just kept thinking oh no, what if I can't handle the pain? I became more nervous, but was still determined to get the tattoo.

When I arrived and she printed off the stencil we placed it on the spot I thought I wanted it, however it didn't look good. So we played around and ended up putting it on it's side and more on my shoulder than on my back. I LOVED IT, but wanted a second opinion so I video called my bestie and got her opinion and she agreed.

Shae, the tattoo artist, was so kind and understanding about it being my first tattoo. She explained what she was doing as she did it. Told me what to expect and counted down before starting with the needle.

The initial pain was like someone scratching your sunburn. It hurt, but it went away pretty quick. The more she did though the more used to it I got and it really wasn't that bad. At some point I mentioned that I could fall asleep! Ha! Before I knew it we were done and over with. It was a great first experience and I highly recommend Haunted Heart Tattoo, especially Shae.

I can't wait to be able to really show it off to people!

Update on my 40 before 40 list...

It has been a minute or two since my last update on here, but here I am! I thought I would update y'all on where I am at with my 40 before 40 list! I have changed some of the items because, well frankly they just weren't feasible or they were similar to another item on the list. 

Yesterday I was able to cross off number 15, which was get a tattoo! Yep I got a REAL tattoo. No more fake ones for me! Ha! I will do a post dedicated to that here in a bit. 😀 

Well without further ado, here is my current list (some have been left out because I leave it between me, myself, and I). 

1. Lose weight
2. 
   
3. Go on a trip with just Justin
4. Go on a trip somewhere fun with just Justin and the kids
5. Get paid to take someone’s pictures
6. Take some sort of class, like cake decorating, photography, or crafting class
7. Have all of our boxes cleared out of the garage
8. Wear a dress or shirt that shows some cleavage and wear it with confidence (aka don’t be insecure)
9. Go camping 
10. Do a cartwheel 
11. Go snorkeling 
12. Take a self defense class
13. Take a girls trip with my closest girlfriends
14. Get my passport
15. Get a tattoo
16. Go to an OSU football game
17. Be in more pictures with Justin and the kids
18. Write an article and submit it to a newspaper or magazine 
19. Have purple highlights in my hair
20. Throw a birthday party for an underprivileged kid
21. Sponsor a child through compassion international
22. Go to a formal event with Justin
23. Have a FRIENDS marathon weekend where I (and anyone else who wants to join me) watch all 10 seasons of FRIENDS in order. This may be more of a 2 weekend event
24. Take the family to Disney World or Lego Land CA
25. Re-do our wedding vows 
26. Audition for a musical or play
27. Make a family yearbook at least once
28. Pay for a stranger's meal
29. Buy a bike and go on rides with my kids/family
30. Host more get togethers
31. Be able to wear a pair of boots that come to my knee
32. See Michael Buble in concert
33. Do a date night for Justin that he would enjoy.
34. Wear makeup everyday for a month
35. Buy fancy but comfy pajamas
36. Serve others more than myself
37. Do a Bible study and actually complete it
38. Find a way to contribute to our families finances without compromising my role as a mom and wife
39. Start taking the wall paper down in the guest house!
40. Climb an indoor rock climbing wall

On a more serious note...

I'm realizing that I am pretty angry. I am angry that I was not able to have a third child. Am I angry at my husband? Maybe. Am I angry at myself? Maybe. Am I angry at God? Yes. I have realized lately that I am so very angry at God for not allowing me the joy and honor of raising our third child. Now at this point in our lives it seems too late. My depression seems to be too much for me to be able to take care of a baby and myself. However, during those years of trying, why? Why didn't he allow us to have a third child? I know I will never know and by the time I can ask God in heaven I won't care, but this is my heart right now. It's effecting a lot. It's hard for me to go to church. Which is hard on my youngest son. He brings this up often.  I was listening to a podcast this morning and she brought up the verse from Psalm 37:5. It says "Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act." It is hard to follow this when I did commit my way to the LORD and yet I feel like he never acted. Then I think about Abraham and Sarah. They were way beyond child bearing age when God gave them Issac. Do I have to wait that long to be healed of depression and then be blessed with a third child? Gosh I hope not. Will God even heal me of this time of depression? These are the thoughts that consume me. These are the thoughts that cause me to want a different life some times. That's horrible, I know. But it is just me being honest.

I hope you can be honest too. I plan to talk to my counselor about this at my next appointment. I have talked to my husband and a close friend about it. I know I have people praying for me. I know I will get to a point of healing because I know that I serve a God who is the great physician. 

Thank you for letting me bear my heart to you today. 

Explanation of #8 on my 40 before 40 list...

I don't know if any of you are wondering why I would put "Wear a dress that shows some cleavage and wear it with confidence (aka don’t be insecure)" on my 40 before 40 list, but here it is. I'm a bigger girl on top. So when buying clothes I often times find myself turning down things that look cute or fit most places, because they have a lower cut top. I have this one dress (see picture below). It is one of my favorites. I wear a lot in the summer, but when I do I am always...I repeat, ALWAYS...self conscience about the low cut top. Now, should I be? I don't know? Truth be told I feel like either way I just need to be more confident in what I wear. When I am wearing that favorite dress of mine I need to stop putting my hands over my chest. I need to wear it and wear it proudly. I do want to stay classy. I'm not trying to show off my girls, so don't worry about that. :) I do often wear tank tops under things in order to add a little coverage to things, because like I said, I do want to stay classy. However, even then things seem to be low. Story of my life friends, STORY OF MY LIFE!!!

So there you have it, that is the answer as to why I put it on my 40 before 40 list. Tell me, what is something you have on your list that you might need to explain a bit?