I was reminded recently that I’m fat. It’s never easy to hear that, especially after you’ve lost a lot of weight. I’m still fat. Some of you may think it doesn’t matter. You may say things like “you’re beautiful” or “you are loved by so many.” Please note, I’m not saying I’m ugly or not loved by others. I’m saying I’m fat. Why does this matter then? Because, as a single woman I’d like to date again at some point. But when someone says “honestly, you’re not his type. He likes gym rats.” That just reinforces that men don’t give a crap if I’ve got a pretty face or am kind or loved. They simply care about weight.
Now, those of you who are ignorant might say “then lose weight. Eat less and move more.” To you I say, shut the F up. For most overweight people, it’s not that simple. For instance, I was given the lovely diagnosis of PCOS. This isn’t simply a diagnosis of infertility or irregular periods. It can make it difficult to lose weight, especially the area around your stomach. I was hoping that the weight-loss surgery would reverse my PCOS, as that’s what the doctor said would happen. I still deal with that belly weight that doesn’t want to go away. Regarding moving more, I have degenerative disc disease in my lower back. Not only does this cause back pain, but it causes terrible pain down my left leg. This makes it really difficult to do even simple tasks like standing up to make dinner.
When I am attracted to someone, only to be told “you’re not his type” aka you’re fat, it reminds me why I settled so long ago. I didn’t think that someone I liked and was attracted to would ever feel the same about me.
What’s the point of this rant? I don’t know. I’m just frustrated with life and sometimes it just feels good to get it out in a way you know others will hear you.
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